It’s a topic that parents and others are talking a lot about lately on social media. Do you have children who are mostly “living room” or “bedroom” kids?
It’s not a topic that’s just about a child’s safety, but it focuses a lot on family dynamics, culture, age and personality. All are key issues as your child grows from toddler to teenager to young adult.
The thinking goes that so-called “living room kids” generally spend more of their time in the home’s shared spaces, primarily with their siblings and parents.
A “bedroom kid” is more likely to spend more time in the privacy of their bedroom.
The terms are not clinically accepted or established by the behavioral science community, but they’re getting a lot of attention.
Children’s National Hospital clinical psychologist Dr. Lilia Mucka Andrew says it all comes down to a family’s dynamics and it’s not a black or white comparison.
“There is no such thing as a kid who is only a ‘living room kid’ or only a ‘bedroom kid.’ Kids are complex human beings,” she explained. “Each of those can have value and that you’re there to support your kids and think through and talk through what they need to feel safe.”
Andrew said social media posts and podcasts can amplify a topic — and influencers can push it further up the chain of conversation.
“It can happen really quickly. I think social media is going to be most interesting when there’s a topic that is kind of salient, that means something to families and to kids, and this is such an important topic,” she said.
Age and maturity are the primary factors in your child’s behavior, and that dynamic can change over hours or days, depending on the child’s mood and what’s going on in the home.
“There are times when they want to be connected and in the space together with their families, and times when they want to be on their own,” Andrew said. “Sometimes they want to feel connected, and they want to feel that it’s safe to do that in a shared space.”
Andrew added that the most important thing for parents to do is to make their children feel safe, no matter if the child leans toward being a “living room child” or a “bedroom child.”
“As a caregiver, you want to provide your kids with safety, and you want to make sure ‘are my kids comfortable? Are they comfortable being with me? Are they comfortable being on their own?’ It’s so easy as a caregiver to worry about what that means,” she added.
Andrew believes it’s not a bad thing for children to want more privacy and spend more time in their bedrooms, but it’s likely a change that will take place gradually. She and others in the psychology field do believe it could be a warning sign something is going on in a child’s life — if one day they’re a “living room” kid and suddenly they become a “bedroom” kid.
“Sometimes they might want … to be able to sit with their thoughts or sit with their emotions or take a little space for themselves,” she said. “As a caregiver, you can … share kind of all the range of emotions and thoughts that they may be experiencing.”
But, in most cases, she said it’s a normal sign and another indication your child is maturing into an adult.
“I think you see the natural shift for teenagers, that they will spend a little bit more time in their room or be spending a little bit more time with their social circles or with their peers. And I think that’s a really normal process,” Andrew said.
“It can be kind of scary sometimes, as a parent, when you’re used to your kids being around with you or spending a lot of time and suddenly, they’re pulled away.”
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